OUR OPPOSITE DATING LIVES

By Mary Rose Hokanson

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I had a friend that never held back in her life.

She was extraordinarily passionate, and gave her absolute all to everything that she did.

It is easy to look back on her last few years and think that she lived an extraordinary life. I think she did, but more so because she was an extraordinary person.

She wasn’t given an extraordinary hand or any special advantages, in fact, quite the opposite.

But her life was special because she is the one who made it special, her “all in” mindset was so very special.

Her perspective and the way she saw the world was a gift.

She died last month and I have been thinking a lot about her.

When it came to dating, she had a simple but profound philosophy.

She knew how extraordinary she was and, in turn, had very high standards for someone to have the privilege of dating her.

She ignored the attention from most boys, as they didn’t meet her standard, and she was not going to give her time to anyone that didn’t deserve it.

When she did finally choose someone to be her boyfriend, she told him “if we’re going to date, we’re going to be better than any other couple, we’re going to make this the best relationship and we’re going to make it last.”

This story with her always stood out to me.

It made me realize that although I wasn’t even doing it on purpose, I have been handling dating in the same way she did.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am always ignoring boys and it’s difficult to get my attention in that manner. I couldn’t ever explain why I was doing things this way, only that it felt right to me and it felt like the best way to respect myself and hold myself in the regard I thought was necessary.

But after hearing this story about her, it clicked with me that there isn’t anything wrong with ignoring boys. I wasn’t actively thinking about it and I didn’t even do it on purpose. I never felt like I was missing out and I never even realized how much I was ignoring until my friends would joke about it.

It just is the way things happened, but it’s the way I like to handle things.

Because I consider myself a person with a relatively small circle of people in my life. This isn’t to say that I don’t have a lot of connections, I only mean that I have a small circle of people that are truly close to me and truly know and love who I am.

Small, but the people I choose to be in this circle, the people I choose to be my friends and the people I love, (as well as my family members who are my closest inner circle) they are all very extraordinary in their own right. I am very proud of the fact that the people in my life and in my circle share the same passion and extraordinaire that I have. I really do take so much pride in these people. I admire and look up to each of them and I believe that they can “bring it” just as much as me, if not more.

I say this because, in this episode, we joke about how we need someone to “bring it” and “don’t be a dud” if they want a chance with us.

If everyone in my circle is someone I consider to be completely extraordinary, why would a relationship be an exception to this?

As I’ve gotten older, I come to learn more and more that our lives are too short for us to waste our time with people who don’t truly value who we are.

There will come a time in your life, as it does for everyone, where someone you love will eventually die. Among all of that chaos you will realize that many of the things you valued throughout your life never really mattered.

When my friend died, I realized that I want to live a lot more like she did.

If she was going to do something, she was going to make it the best. If she was going to be friends with someone, she was going to make it the most special friendship. If she was going to work a job, she was going to go down in the brand’s history.

If she was going to have a boyfriend, she was going to make it the best relationship in the world.

I understand that her philosophy is putting a lot of pressure on dating and taking it somewhat too seriously. Dating doesn’t have to be taken so seriously all of the time. But I do think that when I do choose to have a boyfriend, I will treat it the same way my friend did.

Elle and I are alike in many ways, but something that I love about our friendship is that although we share so much of the same philosophy, we often go about things in a different way. If you listen to the whole episode, we come to the conclusion that that's okay and both of us really enjoy the way we go about dating.

Elle and I usually share about philosophy, but this is more about us, so things could always change. Maybe Elle will get tied down soon, maybe I'll stop ignoring boys eventually. For now, we're just enjoying living in these opposite ideas, and it was so fun for us to share.